i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize