Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
