don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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