I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
