Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
