Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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