you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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