Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
