from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
