it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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