At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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