the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
