I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
