we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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