i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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