I just saw a hot homeless man
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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