dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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