**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
