Will you blow on my dice?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
