I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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