i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
