I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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