i just had sex bonerless
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
