Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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