it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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