can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
