Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
