okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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