Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
