Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
