i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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