oh god the rape fog is back!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
