You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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