Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize