I wannas sexs uuuuu
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Holy sore nipples Batman
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
