im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
