the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
