please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
