My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
