Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
