the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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