apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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