Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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