So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
