Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
