so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
