I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
