I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
