K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just cut my nipple shaving
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
