Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize