what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
