I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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