I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
