You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
