i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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