y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
