You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
