He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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