Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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