the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
