i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
