You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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