I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
