i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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