why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
