I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
